Some relationships must end. For instance, in cases of physical and mental abuse, contact should be cut off in order for healing to begin. In other cases, where the hurts don’t run quite so deep, a relationship can many times be salvaged. And in some cases, it may again flourish. This applies to relationships between friends, siblings, parents and children, and even spouses. If a relationship should be fought for, then the following tips may help to begin the healing process.
Be the Bigger Person
A recent episode of a popular sitcom focused on the concept of “being the bigger person” in a disagreement between two women. In essence, the man involved asked both his wife and his mother, while alone with each, to be the bigger person and give in to the demands of the other woman. This request led to a funny final scene, yet it also set a good example.
In strained relationships, it may be the best thing to give in a bit to the other party involved. This doesn’t mean that this should become a habit, which could lead to an imbalance of power. However, giving in a bit to the demands of the other person may soften him or her enough to begin anew.
Say Three Little Words
Relationships can begin to heal when these three words are spoken: I am sorry. Or maybe these three words would be more appropriate: I love you. Depending on the reason for the problem in the relationship, something as simple as asking for forgiveness or stating the fact the there is love involved, will help initiate a period of regrowth. Another way to say it: I love you, and I don’t want to lose your friendship; I am sorry! Words have immense power. Stating the words the other person longs to hear will help to rekindle any relationship.
Change Yourself
With age one comes to realize that the only person you can change is yourself. You can’t MAKE your always forgetful husband remember your birthday, but you can learn to rejoice in the gifts he carefully chooses when you remind him about your big day. In a more sober vein, you can’t make an alcoholic quit drinking, but you can choose to attend Al anon meetings to learn how to cope with your feelings and to learn how to continue the relationship if it’s one you don’t want to give up.
Here is a perfect example. I know a woman who is married to a disabled man. For many years she felt as if she was at the end of her rope, as she was his caregiver, and she had to act both as mother and as a father for their children. She loved her husband, but she resented him. Her attitude changed when she realized that she could not change him, so she changed herself. She began to ask for help from outside sources. When her burden became lighter, she felt much better about the relationship.
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