Earlier this week I had an interesting conversation about a condition that is absolutely fascinating, especially to someone who is involved in the dating scene. There is a type of relationship that many people have experienced, but who may not know that it was unhealthy. It is called an addictive relationship, and it can be devastating to your personal emotions, as well as your relationships with others.
In an addictive relationship, one partner is self-centered and focused only on their desires, while the other partner is dependent and other-centered, willing to mirror the other partner. Below I have listed seven signs you may be in an addictive relationship.
Dishonesty. Neither of the partners say how they really feel, and they even lie about what they want on a regular basis. Communication completely drops off.
Unrealistic Expectations. Both partners truly believe that the other one will solve all of their problems with body image, self-esteem, family, and other life problems. They both believe, the more self-centered partner especially, that the right relationship will make everything better.
Instant Gratification. The self-centered partner expects the other to be there every time they feel sad, and that the partner needs to make them feel happy, almost like a drug rather than a human.
Compulsive Control. The selfless partner must act a certain way, or the self-centered partner will threaten to leave the relationship. Both partners also feel pressured to stay in the relationship, and that it is not a choice to be together.
Lack of Trust. Neither partner trusts each other to support the other when there is a problem. They also do not believe that the other person loves or trusts them, and that all feelings are not genuine. It is at this point that the partners usually acknowledge that they are in an addictive relationship, but feel obligated to stay together.
Social Isolation. Plain and simple, people in addictive relationships wish to be left alone. Family and friends are not invited into the relationship, as the partners are usually too concerned with their own problems and emotions in the addictive relationship to feel that friends are necessary or can help with the situation.
Cycle of Pain. Perhaps the biggest sign of an addictive relationship is this vicious cycle. The partners are completely trapped in a cycle of pleasure, pain, disillusionment, blaming, fighting, possibly breaking up for a short time, and then reconnection. This cycle will continue to repeat itself until one of the partners, usually the selfless one, breaks free of the relationship.
Addictive relationships are a real problem and surprisingly common. The only way to become free of an addictive relationship is to acknowledge that you are in one, explain to your partner what is going on, and then take a definitive step out of the relationship and end it for good. Although it will be tempting to get back into the relationship, remember that you will be much happier when it ends.
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Glad to see you are doing relationship articles!